State of mind – a permission to fail.

Instead of writing about the images themselves, today I feel I should writing a bit about the process that made them be, as I think this time it’s rather important. I let you digest the images in peace for a change.

My life has recently got a lot faster, due to several major things overlapping. My schedule is so packed it stopped being funny some time ago. Hence, this morning, even though it’s Monday, I was simply exhausted, as my weekend was heavier then the whole last working week. Being a rather practical man, I told myself: just relax, take the camera with you, but don’t stress it today too much, not much is to be expected from such an exhausted brain.

As you’ve probably noticed, I pick two or three images daily. Only the best work gets shown (fairly obvious I guess). This post contains five images though – and that is a large number for me for a day’s worth of work. How come? Wasn’t it suppose to be a non-productive day?

I believe the answer lies in the ‘relax’ part of the sentence above. I treat photography rather seriously (some of the people who know me even think my seriousness is becoming comical). I guess it’s not often I approach it with a relaxed state of mind. Not easy for a tense guy like me.

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I remember reading a text by an aikido instructor (one of the Japanese martial arts, as you probably know). He said something along the lines: my best beginner student was a guy who didn’t care at all about aikido, but was sent to me by a doctor, to get some exercise as a part of his rehabilitation program. He would just emulate what I showed him, without thinking about it too much, and the movements would be fluent and correct. All the other students, the ones obsessed with Japan, the idea of martial arts in general etc, would get so tense trying to get it perfect the first time, they had to put much more effort into braking their mental obstacles to success.

Can a similar process be occurring here? I do realise photography is not a martial art, don’t worry. I’m just referring to having the ‘I have to get it right’ phrase stuck in your head and it’s influence on your actual performance.

By being so tired that it forced me to say: ‘to hell with it, let’s just relax and walk around with the camera in hand’ I gave myself the permission to fail miserably and feel ok with it. And this fact, most likely, was the reason for me having  succeeded so greatly (joking, joking). I guess I still have a long way to go. On one hand, it’s annoying to realise so fully I’m my own enemy in the creative process, when I thought I had it down already. On the other, it’s a glimpse of a place I hope I will arrive at permanently at some point. And I know I can’t force it. Just have to walk around with the camera in hand for a few more decades (or be constantly on the brink of death from exhaustion…).